Why Transitions Are Hard for Children and What To Do About It

Transitions are a part of everyday life. Whether it’s moving from home to school, starting a new activity, or even getting ready for bed, transitions can be challenging for children. While some kids seem to adapt quickly, others struggle with even minor changes in routine. But why are transitions so difficult for many children, and what can help them navigate these moments more smoothly? Let’s explore the reasons behind these challenges and how play therapy can be a powerful tool to support kids through transitions.

Why Are Transitions Hard for Children?

1. Lack of Predictability

Children thrive on routine and structure because it helps them feel safe and secure. Transitions, especially when unexpected, disrupt their sense of control. For younger children in particular, the shift from one activity to another may feel abrupt, creating anxiety or resistance.

2. Difficulty with Emotional Regulation

For children still developing emotional regulation skills, transitions can evoke intense feelings. They may feel anxious about leaving something they enjoy or feel overwhelmed by what’s coming next. Without the ability to manage these emotions effectively, they may express frustration, anger, or sadness.

3. Separation Anxiety

Children, especially younger ones, may struggle with transitions that involve separation from caregivers, such as starting school or saying goodbye at daycare. Even small transitions, like going from home to a playdate, can trigger feelings of fear or insecurity if they aren’t emotionally prepared.

4. Sensory Sensitivities

Children with sensory processing challenges, such as those who are neurodivergent, may find transitions even more difficult. Moving between different sensory environments (e.g., a quiet home to a noisy playground) can feel overwhelming and trigger discomfort or distress.

5. Limited Communication Skills

Children, especially toddlers or those with developmental delays, may not have the language skills to express their feelings about a transition. This can lead to frustration, as they can’t fully communicate their worries or discomfort, making it harder for adults to help them.

6. Difficulty Letting Go

Kids often get deeply immersed in their activities. Whether they’re playing a game, drawing, or building with blocks, the shift away from something they enjoy can feel disappointing or even unfair. This difficulty in “letting go” of what they’re engaged in can make transitions seem abrupt and unpleasant.

What Can Help Children with Transitions?

While transitions can be tough, there are several strategies parents, teachers, and caregivers can use to make them smoother for children:

1. Prepare and Give Warnings

Giving children a heads-up before a transition occurs can ease their anxiety. For example, saying, “In 5 minutes, we’ll clean up and get ready for bed,” helps children mentally prepare for the upcoming change. Visual timers or countdowns can be especially helpful for younger children.

2. Create Consistent Routines

Establishing predictable routines gives children a sense of stability. When transitions happen in the context of a routine (e.g., “First we brush our teeth, then we read a book, then it’s time for bed”), they’re less likely to feel uncertain or out of control.

3. Use Transitional Objects

Transitional objects, like a favorite stuffed animal, blanket, or toy, can provide comfort during transitions, especially those involving separation. These items help children feel a sense of security as they move from one environment to another.

4. Validate Their Feelings

Acknowledging that transitions are hard for kids helps them feel understood. Simple phrases like, “I know it’s hard to stop playing,” or, “You feel sad that we’re leaving the park,” can help children process their emotions and feel supported.

5. Offer Choices

Giving children a sense of control during transitions can reduce resistance. For instance, you could ask, “Do you want to put your shoes on first or your jacket?” This gives them a small sense of autonomy, even when the larger transition is non-negotiable.

6. Use Playful Transitions

Turning transitions into a game can make them less stressful. For example, you can use playful commands like, “Can you hop like a bunny to the door?” or “Let’s pretend we’re astronauts putting on our space boots before we leave.”

How Play Therapy Can Help with Transitions

Play therapy is uniquely suited to help children who struggle with transitions because it taps into a child’s natural way of processing their world—through play. Here’s how play therapy can be a powerful tool for supporting kids through challenging transitions:

1. Building Emotional Awareness

In play therapy, children are given the space to express their emotions freely. Through play, therapists can help children identify and name the feelings they experience during transitions—whether it’s fear, frustration, or anxiety. By increasing emotional awareness, children learn to understand and cope with their feelings in healthier ways.

2. Developing Emotional Regulation Skills

Play therapy provides a safe environment for children to practice self-soothing and emotional regulation. As therapists introduce calming strategies within the play, such as teaching deep breathing or using relaxation techniques with toys or characters, children can begin to apply these skills to real-life transitions.

3. Exploring Transition Themes in Play

Children often express their struggles with transitions symbolically in their play. For instance, a child may repeatedly have toys “move” from one place to another, or they might act out separation anxieties with dolls or action figures. Play therapists can use these moments to gently guide the child through resolving their fears and anxieties about transitions in a non-threatening way.

4. Increasing Cognitive Flexibility

One of the key challenges in transitions is moving from one state of focus to another. Play therapy can help children practice cognitive flexibility by encouraging them to shift between different play scenarios, roles, and themes. As they become more flexible in play, this skill can generalize to real-life transitions.

5. Enhancing Communication Skills

For children who struggle to communicate their feelings, play therapy provides a space where they can “talk” through their toys or art. This indirect form of communication allows children to express what they can’t always say in words, which can help parents and caregivers better understand their child’s needs during transitions.

6. Creating Positive Associations with Transitions

In the playroom, therapists can help children rehearse and role-play transitions in a positive, playful way. For example, a child might practice “leaving the playroom” with a favorite toy, reinforcing that transitions can be safe and manageable. Over time, this helps create new, more positive associations with transitions outside of therapy.

Conclusion

Transitions can be particularly hard for children because they disrupt their sense of routine, control, and emotional stability. By understanding why transitions are difficult and implementing supportive strategies—like providing warnings, creating routines, and using playfulness—parents and caregivers can make transitions smoother. Play therapy offers an additional layer of support by helping children process their emotions, build self-regulation skills, and practice navigating changes in a safe, therapeutic environment. Through play, children can learn that transitions, while challenging, are manageable and even opportunities for growth.